VIDEO: Strength to heal, How to truly forgive someone who hurt you?

When someone hurts us, our first reaction is to seek revenge, finding satisfaction in their pain. But as Christians, we are called by God to forgive.

Though it may be the last thing we want to hear, it’s the best thing we can do. God instructs us to go against our natural inclinations, not to leave us in anger, but to free us from the bitterness unforgiveness brings.

The story of Joseph offers a perfect example of forgiveness. Joseph’s actions, such as giving and serving, demonstrate his heart was free from resentment. This is further reflected in his choice to name his son ‘Manasseh,’ meaning God has allowed me to forget all my hardships.

“Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.’”

Genesis 41:51

Here’s what we also learn about true forgiveness.

We forgive by not attempting to prove ourselves

We’ve all heard the saying, ‘Success is the best revenge,’ but pursuing it won’t heal our wounds—it only offers temporary satisfaction. While it’s admirable to turn hurt into success, it doesn’t address the deeper issues of the heart.

Chasing success for selfish reasons traps us in a cycle of ambition driven by our own desires, not God’s will. Joseph’s story shows us how God elevated him to a higher position without the need to prove himself to his brothers. Similarly, we shouldn’t let bitterness drive our pursuit of success; instead, we must trust God to lift us higher.

Genesis 42:6 says: “Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the person who sold grain to all its people. So when Joseph’s brothers arrived, they bowed down to him with their faces to the ground.”

In the end, God will handle those who have wronged us, for we serve a God of justice.

Giving will release us from bitterness

“He turned away from them and began to weep, but then came back and spoke to them again. He had Simeon taken from them and bound before their eyes.”

Genesis 42:24

We see Joseph’s heart through his tears when he listened to his brothers and wept. Was his weeping a sign of resentment? No, the following text shows that he had already forgiven them.

His tears might have come from hearing his brothers express remorse for what they had done years ago. What we do know is that Joseph did not weep out of resentment, anger, or bitterness.

Joseph didn’t blame his brothers for selling him into slavery. If he wanted to, he could have ordered their deaths, but he did the opposite.

He gave. 

Part of Joseph’s generosity was to test his brothers to see if they had changed—whether they valued honesty over money, recalling that they had once sold him for twenty pieces of silver.

Instead of seeking revenge, Joseph provided his brothers with money and food for their journey. A person who gives back, even after being wronged, demonstrates that they have let go of bitterness.

Genesis 42:25-26 says, “Joseph gave orders to fill their bags with grain, to put each man’s silver back in his sack, and to give them provisions for their journey. After this was done for them, they loaded their grain on their donkeys and left.”

This act of generosity demonstrates his forgiveness and care, even as he continues to test their integrity.

To forgive confuses those who hurt you

“‘My silver has been returned,’ he said to his brothers. ‘Here it is in my sack.’ Their hearts sank and they turned to each other trembling and said, ‘What is this that God has done to us?’”

Genesis 42:28

When we return kindness to those who have wronged us, it can be confusing because it’s not what people usually expect.

Joseph’s brothers were surprised by his generosity. Even though they didn’t know he was their brother at the time, they were expecting something bad to happen to them because of the wrongs they had done to Joseph years earlier.

Genesis 42:21 says: “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come on us.”

In this verse, Joseph’s brothers reflect on their past actions and realize that their current troubles might be a punishment for the way they treated Joseph when he pleaded for mercy. They are beginning to connect their present difficulties with their previous wrongdoing.

But God’s ways are different from ours:

This shows how God expresses His love through the grace we receive daily, enabling us to live a life we don’t deserve. Despite our many failures, we can still experience peace and forgiveness.

“‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘Don’t be afraid. Your God, the God of your father, has given you treasure in your sacks; I received your silver.’ Then he brought Simeon out to them. The steward took the men into Joseph’s house, gave them water to wash their feet and provided fodder for their donkeys.”

Genesis 43:23-24

This shows that Joseph continued to show kindness to his brothers. With his authority and ability, Joseph chose not to withhold goodness from them.

Being a victim doesn’t define you

Genesis 45:5 says: “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.”

In this verse, Joseph reassures his brothers that they should not be upset with themselves for selling him into slavery. He explains that it was God’s plan for him to be in Egypt to help save lives during the famine

Joseph recognized that although he had suffered because of his brothers’ actions, being a victim did not define his life. He understood that God was in control.

Forgiveness allowed Joseph to see that God had a greater purpose for him. Instead of dwelling on his hardships, Joseph let God guide him forward. His purpose was not to remain a slave, but to save many lives, including those of his brothers.

Joseph knew deep down that his life’s purpose was greater than the challenges he faced.

“But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.”

Genesis 45:7-8

Who in their right mind provides for those who have hurt them? Only someone who has been healed by God. Such a person understands the power of forgiveness and the freedom it brings. They recognize that true healing allows them to rise above past hurts.

Genesis 45:11 says: “I will provide for you there, because five years of famine are still to come. Otherwise you and your household and all who belong to you will become destitute.’”

Forgiveness brings restoration

The story of Joseph paints a beautiful picture of restoration. Despite the wrongs done to him, Joseph forgave his brothers and welcomed them with open arms, finding joy in their reunion.

“And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.”

Genesis 45:2

In this verse, Joseph’s intense emotions are evident as he weeps loudly during the reunion with his brothers. His tears are so heartfelt that they are heard by those in Pharaoh’s household, reflecting the depth of his relief and joy at being reunited with his family. It was a cry of restoration and being united again.

Genesis 45:14 says: “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping.”

When God heals our hearts, we are freed from pain and hurt. Restoration through Christ brings us true freedom.

“Never mind about your belongings, because the best of all Egypt will be yours.’ ”

Genesis 45:20

Forgiveness is a journey

The key to having a forgiving heart is to maintain a righteous spirit. While experiencing hurt is a part of life, we must continually renew ourselves in God to prevent falling into the trap of unforgiveness.

Psalm 51:10 says: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”

After God delivers us from bitterness, we need to stay vigilant to ensure our hearts remain pure. This involves guarding our hearts and being mindful of what we listen to and speak about. Just like with sin, we must ‘flee’ from it, as stated in 2 Timothy 2:22:

“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”

When we find ourselves hurt by others, we must handle it by surrendering that pain to God.

Remember, no hurt is too great for God.

The benefits of renewing our spirit and surrendering to God are countless. Forgiveness brings purity, freedom, peace, and clarity of mind, and allows us to trust that God is the guardian of our hearts, not people.

Prayer to forgive

Dear God, 

Help me to completely let go of all bitterness, jealousy, and strife. Don’t let me pretend, but deliver me from unforgiveness. Create in me a pure heart and remove any resentment I hold against those who have wronged me. I surrender the pain I’ve been carrying, trusting that You are a God of justice. Just as You allowed Joseph to experience restoration, I ask You to bring the same healing to my life. Protect me from falling into a cycle of victimhood, for I am not defined by others’ sins. Let this pain not take away the purpose You have for me. Help me to see Your grace in this situation and to forgive others as You have forgiven me. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. In the name of Jesus, Amen.