When someone hurt us, our first reaction is to seek revenge. Nothing feels better than to see that person hurting like they’ve hurt us. But wait, as Christians, God calls us to forgive.
While it’s the last thing we want to hear, it’s the best thing we can do. Let’s remember that God instructs us to go against what our natural flesh would want us to do, not to make us suffer in anger, but to free us from the anger and bitterness that unforgiveness brings.
The perfect example of forgiveness comes from the story of Joseph.
In his story, we see that giving and serving cuts off resentment and is a sign that bitterness does not exist in Joseph’s heart.
Not only in that, but in the fact that Joseph named his son “Manasseh”. It means that God has allowed him to forget all of his hardships.
“Joseph named his firstborn Manasseh and said, ‘It is because God has made me forget all my trouble and all my father’s household.’”
Genesis 41:51
Here’s what else we learn about true forgiveness.
We forgive by not attempting to prove ourselves
We’ve heard the saying ‘success is the best revenge’, but doing this will not heal our wounds, instead it can temporarily make us feel good. While it’s a good thing that we can turn hurt into success, it still doesn’t solve our heart issue.
Doing that will put us in a cycle of trying to reach a new level of success, defined by our own selfish ambition and not by God.
Joseph’s story demonstrates how God took Joseph to a higher position, without him having to fight for it to prove to his brothers that he was a somebody. The same way, we shouldn’t use bitterness to try to be successful, instead we must let God take us higher.
Genesis 42:6 says: “Now Joseph was the governor of the land, the person who sold grain to all its people. So when Joseph’s brothers arrived, they bowed down to him with their faces to the ground.”
In the end, God will deal with the people who hurt us. After all, we serve a God of justice.
Giving will release us from bitterness
“He turned away from them and began to weep, but then came back and spoke to them again. He had Simeon taken from them and bound before their eyes.”
Genesis 42:24
We can see Joseph’s heart through his tears, when he listened to his brother, he wept. Was weeping a sign of resentment? No because the following text proves he had forgiven them.
It could possibly be weeping from hearing how his brothers felt bad for what they did to him years ago. What we do know, is that he did not weep because of resentment, anger or bitterness.
Joseph did not blame his brothers for selling him into slavery. If he wanted to, he could have order to kill all of them, but Joseph did the contrary.
He gave.
Part of why he gave to them had to do with testing his brothers to see if they were honest men, or if they still preferred money more than integrity. Let’s remember that they sold Joseph for twenty pieces of silver.
Instead of taking their lives, Joseph gave his brothers enough money and food for their journey. A person who gives back even when they’ve been wrong does not hold bitterness in their heart.
Genesis 42:25-26 says, “Joseph gave orders to fill their bags with grain, to put each man’s silver back in his sack, and to give them provisions for their journey. After this was done for them, they loaded their grain on their donkeys and left.”
To forgive confuses those who hurt you
“‘My silver has been returned,’ he said to his brothers. ‘Here it is in my sack.’ Their hearts sank and they turned to each other trembling and said, ‘What is this that God has done to us?’”
Genesis 42:28
When we return and give, people get confused because it’s not normal to give to someone who has wronged you.
Joseph’s brothers were confused because of the way Joseph treated them. Joseph showed generosity. Although, at that time, the brothers did not know Joseph was their brother, they expected bad things to happen to them because of the pain they once caused to Joseph when he was young.
Genesis 42:21 says: “Surely we are being punished because of our brother. We saw how distressed he was when he pleaded with us for his life, but we would not listen; that’s why this distress has come on us.”
This is a reflection of how God shows us his love, through the grace we receive every day to live a life we don’t deserve. We can live a life of peace even after we’ve failed him many times.
“‘It’s all right,’ he said. ‘Don’t be afraid. Your God, the God of your father, has given you treasure in your sacks; I received your silver.’ Then he brought Simeon out to them. The steward took the men into Joseph’s house, gave them water to wash their feet and provided fodder for their donkeys.”
Genesis 43:23-24
This shows that Joseph continued to give to his brothers. Joseph had the authority and the ability to do good to his brothers, so he didn’t withhold goodness from them.
Being a victim doesn’t define you
Genesis 45:5 says: “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you.”
Joseph got it. He understood that while at a certain point in his life he fell victim to his brothers’ actions. Being a victim did not define his life, because God was in control.
Forgiveness helped Joseph understand that God had a bigger purpose for his life. He didn’t get stuck feeling sorry for himself, instead God moved him forward in his life. His purpose was not to be a slave all his life, it was to save the lives of many, including the lives of his brothers.
Joseph knew with all his heart that his life purpose was bigger than the challenges he faced.
“But God sent me ahead of you to preserve for you a remnant on earth and to save your lives by a great deliverance. So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God. He made me father to Pharaoh, lord of his entire household and ruler of all Egypt.”
Genesis 45:7-8
What kind of person in their right mind provides for people that hurt them? A person who has been healed by God.
Genesis 45:11 says: “I will provide for you there, because five years of famine are still to come. Otherwise you and your household and all who belong to you will become destitute.’”
Forgiveness brings restoration
What a beautiful picture of restoration paints the story of Joseph. Joseph forgave his brother and was able to embrace and rejoice in their company.
“And he wept so loudly that the Egyptians heard him, and Pharaoh’s household heard about it.”
Genesis 45:2
Joseph wept because he was glad to see his brothers. It was a cry of restoration and being united again.
Genesis 45:14 says: “Then he threw his arms around his brother Benjamin and wept, and Benjamin embraced him, weeping.”
When God has healed our hearts, you no longer feel pain or hurt. Restoration through Christ gives us freedom.
“Never mind about your belongings, because the best of all Egypt will be yours.’ ”
Genesis 45:20
Forgiveness is a journey
The key to have a heart that forgives is to keep a righteous spirit. While getting hurt is inevitable in life, we must continue to renew ourselves in God to avoid falling into the trap of unforgiveness.
Psalm 51:10 says: “Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me.”
After God delivers us from bitterness, we must keep watch to make sure our heart doesn’t stain. We do this by guarding our heart and being careful of what we listen to or what we speak about. It’s just like sin, we have to “flee” from it, like it says in 2 Timothy 2:22:
“Flee the evil desires of youth and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
And when we end up in a situation where someone hurts us, we must deal with it by surrendering that pain to God.
Remember, that no hurt is too for God.
The benefits of renewing our spirit and surrendering to God are endless. Forgiveness will make us feel pure, free, peaceful, clear minded and will allow us to trust that God is the keeper of our heart, not people.
Prayer to forgive
Dear God,
Help me to let go completely of all bitterness, jealousy, and strife. Don’t allow me to pretend, but deliver me from unforgiveness. Create in me a pure heart. Do not allow me to have anything against those who’ve wronged me. I surrender the pain I’ve been carrying, trusting that you are a God of justice. Just like you allowed Joseph to experience restoration, I ask you to do the same for my life. Deliver me from falling into a victim cycle because I am not a victim of someone else’s sin, in the name of Jesus. Don’t allow this pain to rob me of the purpose you have for me. Help me to see your grace through this and to forgive just like you’ve forgiven me. Renew a steadfast spirit within me. In the name of Jesus, Amen.